the searcher figure out what she was searching for

I have spent a great deal of my life searching, for what? I had no idea but I kept moving from place to place and then traveling place to place hoping I would recognize it when I found it.  As it turned out I had to take a whole journey and then come home to see the difference in me that I realized was the very thing I was searching for.  It would seem I found it somewhere I Ireland, I think, hahahaha but did not know it until I was on a date the other night and realized I was observing myself.  And I thought wow this woman is actually happy and Calm and interesting and sure of herself and without fear.  Don’t get me wrong I still experience fear and self consciousness and panic hahahaha but before they were the main staples of my behaviour diet.  But that has ended and what replaces it was brought about during my year in Europe and each step letting me get more comfortable with finally being who I really am.  That trip to Europe, the taking of that time really put me together (I would say back together but was I really ever whole??????) I don’t recall a time when I was.  Maybe as a kid but I lost it somewhere along the way.

If I think about how much money myself and others invest in our educations, homes, cars, and vacations I am left wondering why more people don’t think about investing that kind of money into ourselves?  Taking time away and just letting us meet ourselves.  Why are we willing to spend 4 years and $40,000 (my experience) in university or buy a $35,000 car but we will not take that same amount of money and let ourselves have a year, or however long it takes, to just come into ourselves, or find ourselves or how ever you think of it.

I really believe that my journey in its exact order was necessary for me to be ready for the 7 days of walking in Ireland where it all fell into place.

I know that I will do walking meditation (did not realize that that was what I was dong in Ireland) through out my life.  I have done a 2 day walk here in Canada and it has brought great things also.  There is something about being in nature carrying your supply on your back and only relying on your legs and determination to get you to your destination that allow for a internal shift that as far as I can tell is permanent.

 

.

10 Things my mother said that I actually agree with

My mother like all mothers in the world did the best she could but of course made mistakes.  She has been gone now over 3 years but I wanted to take a moment and let the world know just a little of the good she left behind. 

In no particular order.

1) if someone is good enough to invite you to their home and cook for you, shut up and eat what they serve

2) All people need to know how to drive a standard (manual) vehicle.

3) All people are the same no matter the color of their skin or how they make a living.

4) Keep in mind, the person sharing maybe sharing their last. Don’t take it all.

5) Say Please and Thank you

6) leave it as good or better then you found it

7)  look for ways to help

8) be responsible for yourself

9) If someone take you in to their home, find a way to contribute

10) Respect goes a loooooonnnnggggg way